This being St. Patrick’s Day and all, the elder offspring would like to conduct an experiment. However, we want to make sure it’s above-board, ethically speaking.
The device pictured above is a prototype of a leprechaun trap. The experiment, of course, involves determining the efficacy of the device. Here are the questions we’re considering before launching the first trials:
- What kind of approval do we need for the protocol — is this research with animals or research with human subjects?
- If we conduct the study at the university, we probably need official approval of the protocol. But what if we conduct the experiment at home? (Is trapping leprechauns as ethically unproblematic as, say, trapping ants or mice?)
- Must we inform any trapped leprechauns of the purpose of the study and get their signed consent to participate in the study?
- Is the use of chocolate kisses as bait acceptable? Or does this impose undue risks on the leprechauns?
- Must steps be taken to protect other wee fairie folk from being trapped, or is that an acceptable risk?
- If we catch a leprechaun, are we obligated to release him? (If not, would it be wrong to train him to grade papers?)
In an effort to further warp Elder Offspring, and by trickle-down effect Younger Offspring, we offer the following thoughts vis-a-vis the proposed experiment and the ethical considerations stated.
– Since Leprechauns are mythical creature, you’d best bring the proposal to the board that approves research on myths, as opposed to misters or even moths. I recall an astronomer whose research proposals kept being rejected by his university’s board clearing research with human subjects. His area of study in astronomy was brown dwarfs.
– Well, in addition to wanting to not be seen as unethical, part of what the university is watching out for is their liability for any forseeable results of the research. So what kind of liability rider do you have on your homeowner’s policy? AND is ethics only for public venues or for everywhere? And what do your children learn about ethics from your behavior (or willingness to wink at ethics outside the public arena)?
– As for trapping assorted vermin in the house, my theory is that if they stayed OUTSIDE the house they would have been fine. Is this an inside only experiment? Is a leprechaun welcome to invade your house in other circumstances? Or does March 17th have unusual rules, and are those rules posted in such a way that leprechauns have been put on notice of them?
– Has it been proven that leprechauns can give informed consent, and even that they can sign. I believe that if they left a pot of gold with you, you might be able to construe that as consent.
– Recent research has actually found health benefits to chocolate, although more for dark chocolate than milk. So this is one of those cases where you could do even better than you are, but apparently you are not as evil as you might be.
– Any non-leprechaun folk entrapped (maybe including Younger Offspring) would be seen by the military-industrial complex as collateral damage. I tend to think that collateral damage is NOT a forgivable sin, but others with higher security clearances than mine (and salaries) seem to think otherwise.
– This is basically the stray animal question: Can we keep him, Mom? There is a whole expose about the enslavement of house-elves in the current popular literature. And then there is the ethical issue of the teacher not caring about what the student is learning and so passing the grading of tests, problem sets, papers, lab reports, projects, exams, etc. on to the creatures the teacher’s institution has enslaved to do this–grad student teaching assistants. I, too, have been one of them.
Let us know if you get your research proposal approved (and by whom), if it works, and if the leprechaun prefers the chocolate kisses or corned beef, cabbage and boiled potatoes.
And belated happy birthday to Dr. Free-Ride’s Better Half.
What kind of approval do we need for the protocol — is this research with animals or research with human subjects?
I’m a little unclear about your hypothesis (efficacy as compared to other leprechaun traps? efficacy at trapping more leprechauns than squirrels? bait-based variables? pine-cone placement variables?). I wish I could see your research proposal
Leprechauns are popularly referred to as “the Little People.” You would definitely need IRB approval to conduct research on Little People. I recall that Sean Connery was in Darby O’Gill and the Little People. Therefore, you should make certain that Sean Connery is on your IRB.
If we conduct the study at the university, we probably need official approval of the protocol. But what if we conduct the experiment at home? (Is trapping leprechauns as ethically unproblematic as, say, trapping ants or mice?)
If you are employed by the university, you are most likely required to obtain university approval for any research you conduct. Insofar as your ethical dilemma, I again refer you to the term “Little People.”
Interesting, though, that you compare leprechauns to ants and mice. All might be classified, under specific circumstances, as “pests”. Trapped leprechauns are notoriously tricky; your biggest ethical problem may be protecting your son and the rest of your family from aggregated Little People justice-seeking. One-on-one, you might survive leprechaun pranking, but you should establish detailed protocols for dealing with anticipated leprechaun mob revenge.
Must we inform any trapped leprechauns of the purpose of the study and get their signed consent to participate in the study?
After-the-fact consent is coerced consent, and therefore invalid. Good luck trying to obtain consent before trapping them.
Is the use of chocolate kisses as bait acceptable? Or does this impose undue risks on the leprechauns?
Only leprechauns who survived the Great Chocolate Famine will be subject to greater-than-usual risks upon exposure to Hershey bait.
Must steps be taken to protect other wee fairie folk from being trapped, or is that an acceptable risk?
Not only must you take steps to protect other wee fairie folk from being trapped, you must identify which WFF are at risk of entrapment and engage appropriate WFF advocates to serve on the IRB. Philip Seymour Hoffman, although marvelous at channelling Truman Capote, has only narrow experience as a WFF advocate and is therefore insufficiently expert to serve in this capacity.
If we catch a leprechaun, are we obligated to release him? (If not, would it be wrong to train him to grade papers?)
You must release immediately any and all captured leprechauns. Nothing in your limited proposal suggests that leprechauns have a valid research objective other than to test the device. Therefore, once a leprechaun has interacted with the device, the leprechaun must be returned immediately to her/his previous condition. It is wholly unethical– as well as unsafe– to try to extract from any leprechaun a promise to reveal his pot of gold, or a promise to share his pot of gold, or a promise that in any manner threatens leprechaun autonomy, especially as it relates to leprechaun wealth.
You fail to mention any benefit to the leprechaun. Likewise, you offer no compensation for the leprechaun’s participation in your research. To entrap a leprechaun with chocolate bait, and then to capture and confine the leprechaun without consent or compensation is unethical. To try to enslave the leprechaun to perform your paid duties with the university compounds your ethical faults.
Moreover, you are treading some heavy water by hanging onto a captured leprechaun. Leprechauns, historically, “go nuclear” on humans who try to expoit them, either individually or as a Little People class.
You could end up with the leprechaun “pranking” your grading system, creating mass unrest among your students, who in turn generate extremely unfavorable evaluations, leading to loss of your position or derailing you from a tenure track.
Capture leprechauns, if you must, to test your device, but let them go quickly.
I’m not sure you can take them legally in this state:
Chapter 1. General Provisions and Definitions
�250. General Prohibition Against Taking Resident Game Birds, Game Mammals and Furbearing Mammals.
Except as otherwise provided in this Title 14, and in the Fish and Game Code, resident game birds, game mammals and furbearing mammals may not be taken at any time.
and then there’s this one:
�251.1. Harassment of Animals.
Except as otherwise authorized in these regulations or in the Fish and Game Code, no person shall harass, herd or drive any game or nongame bird or mammal or furbearing mammal. For the purposes of this section, harass is defined as an intentional act which disrupts an animal’s normal behavior patterns, which includes, but is not limited to, breeding, feeding or sheltering. This section does not apply to a landowner or tenant who drives or herds birds or mammals for the purpose of preventing damage to private or public property, including aquaculture and agriculture crops.
New section filed 11-14-90; operative 11-14-90.
Oh little leprechauns, the most dangerous (small) game of them all.
I’m flashing on a Harry Turtledove novel, The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump.