My better half was clearing plates from the kitchen table as I was cooking something.
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: Hey, I thought our kids like zucchini bread.
Dr. Free-Ride: They do. That piece was [the kid across the street’s] — always gladly accepts a snack, never has more than a few bites.
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: Huh.
Dr. Free-Ride: I think that’s why when our kids are over there, there are so many snacks. If you have a kid who only eats a little at a time, you have to feed continuously.
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: Why don’t our kids eat like birds?
Dr. Free-Ride: I’m going to guess that genetics have something to do with it. But their metabolic reserves will carry them through when zombies have disrupted Trader Joe’s supply chain.
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: Yeah, with zombies the selection pressures change. Eat or be eaten.
Dr. Free-Ride: I’ll share my soybeans with you when the time comes.
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: Mmmmmm.
Dr. Free-Ride: I have a feeling you’re going to want to research food safety measures so you can eat zombies safely. We’ll get a second Weber grill for you, so you won’t zombie-up my veggie grill.
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: GRAAAAAAAINS!
Dr. Free-Ride: Har!
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: We could replant the lawn with wheat.
Dr. Free-Ride: Or rye. Although then we’d have to worry about ergot.
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: I’d just as soon pass on that. I bet it was pretty terrifying to have whole villages go crazy with the ergot. I can’t remember, was that “St. Cuthbert’s dance”? [Actually, St. Vitus’ Dance.]
Dr. Free-Ride: What do you want to bet that it looks a lot like that dance Beavis and Butt-head would do in front of their TV?
We took a few moments to dance like Beavis and Butt-head in the kitchen
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: Hey, this week at school is Red Ribbon Week.
Dr. Free-Ride: As usual, just in time for Hallowe’en. I hope this year they look at the caffeine content in chocolate bars.
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: I’m guessing not.
Dr. Free-Ride: Sugar as a mind-altering chemical?
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: Mmmmmm, no.
Dr. Free-Ride: Hey, this week is also National Chemistry Week.
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: No way!
Dr. Free-Ride: I wonder if the Red Ribbon Week people knew that was going to happen.
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: Maybe they’ll talk about zombie cucumber — not a big recreational drug, but dangerous.
Dr. Free-Ride: What really worries me is that we’re talking about ergot outbreaks and zombie cucumber less than a month before a general election.
Dr. Free-Ride’s better half: Now that’s spooky!
BH: That would be St. Vitus’ Dance, a condition caused by ingesting ergot infested grains. As a matter of fact, the active ingredient in ergot is chemically similar to LSD25, which was developed as part of a study of ergot and its effects on the brain.
Ergot causes zombification?