I have just returned to Casa Free-Ride after a few days at a thoroughly engaging conference about which I’ll have more to say soon. Getting home required air travel, this time on United.
There are many airlines that have so many levels of premium member stratification that they have run out of precious metals and gemstones by which to identify them in calling them to board. However, United is the first airline I have noticed that gets really tetchy about precisely which lane the non-premium members queue up in for their approach to the gate agent who scans the boarding passes even after all our betters the premium members have boarded. See, the premium lane has this special blue carpet on it that, it seems, is only to be trod upon by the feet of those special in the eyes of United Airlines. Indeed, on more than one leg of the trip I just completed, the gate agents actually halted the boarding of a plane to move everyone in the passenger-group-now-boarding from the fancy blue-carpeted premium lane to the economy lane.
Gate agents, the premium passengers have already boarded! They will not see the great unwashed swarm of economy travelers stepping on their blue carpet of awesomeness!
Anyway, on the last leg of my travel, the amplified gate agent (who was announcing which groups were invited aboard) was both distinct from the gate agent scanning boarding passes and several yards away from the boarding lanes for the gate. Thus, she tried to direct people to the appropriate lane by reiterating that the premium lane was the one on the left and the economy lane was the lane on the right.
It turns out USian air travelers cannot (or will not) distinguish left from right any better than your typical U12 soccer player. (How well is that? As a soccer coach, let me tell you: not very well at all.)
In short, it strikes me that United is:
- Attempting to get USian air travelers to accept a rigid class system, and
- Attempting to do so based on people’s knowledge of the difference between right and left.
I fear both of these attempts are doomed to failure (although maybe for different reasons).
No no, people don’t pay extra to be chosen ones at airports so they can be more comfortable and lord their glorious position over others, they pay extra to AVOID feeling like they’re in steerage. If they let you on the plushy carpet, you have no incentive to give them more money later.
Right, I always see those things and think it’s a huge scam.
“Oh hey, for like $5 I get to board in this OTHER lane, before anyone else gets on! Also there’s a carpet? Yeah, that’s totally worth it. *rolls eyes*”
To be quite honest, I prefer boarding near the end as I tend to travel alone and the seats in the waiting area are more comfy than the ones in the plane itself.
I don’t know why all of this is really happening, but the outcome is irrational or self-defeating for the business part, since traveling will be diminished.
I have seen a type of traveling social engineering similar to that, and what they were really looking for was more money in the side, to actually occupy the seat you purchased ahead. Never mind that a child was one of the passenger with the legal ticket and had to actually cry to be allowed to get on board. Of course after two precious young ladies, in stand by, were allowed to board.
But in the positive side, I’ve also seen the passenger also ‘passionately’ thank the crew with a cheerful applause after landing.
Both in the same society. Either one totally strange.
So, it seems the name of this is… business competition.
I really just want to have people meet me at my house with a “travel pod” (think coffin with windows) and a syringe full of propofol. I want to remember nothing. Of course, you’d end up at the wrong airport along with your suitcase sometimes.
Maybe it’s all part of United’s noble efforts to try to teach US society about right and left!
Do you think maybe the government is now running the airline? ;o
They keep that lane open so that the premium passengers who roll in after most of their section has boarded can suanter up and go to the front of the line. If a premium passenger wanders up that premium aisle, they will stop boarding everyone else, scan his boarding pass, and then get back to those waiting in line. (You see this fairly often on the early morning flights, and I’m generally in boarding group 5 or 6.)